Better that the light cloud should fade away into heaven with the morning breath, than travail through the weary day to gather in darkness, and in storm. - Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytoon, 1st Baron Lytton

On October 2, 2007, a few minutes past ten, our angel was taken away from us. His name is Aiden, my youngest cousin. Remembering how this child used to play around and entertain us all during family gatherings, his death felt surreal.

Almost two weeks ago, we got news from Manila on Aiden's freak accident. He was running after his kuya when he suddenly stumbled. His tongue got the first hit. He was immediately rushed to the hospital. Due to the sensitivity of body area affected during the accident, he was confined at the hospital's Intensive Care Unit. All the while, we thought he was going to do fine as the boy was showing progress and responding well with the medication.

Thus, we were surprised when we got a call from Manila a week ago. It was twelve midnight here in Calgary when my crying aunt gave me the bad news. Aiden was only given twenty four more hours to live. We were shocked and devastated. We simply could not believe that this was happening...

...Aiden is the kid who can easily compete with the Energizer bunny. He simply doesn't run out of energy. It was always a challenge to look after him and yet a pleasure to do so. For one, he is the ultimate entertainer. While most kids would be forced by their parents to perform, Aiden dances and sings with gusto the moment you ask him to. He can effortlessly do impersonations of Mr. Bean or even the Undertaker - of course complete with eyes twitching. His talent in impersonating comes from his very observant nature. He is also a fast learner and we were all expecting him to do well once he starts school. More than anything else, Aiden is the most cariñoso of all my cousins. While the rest would be told to "O kiss tito and tita first," he would hug and kiss you the moment you stepped in the house and you would feel the warmth and sincerity of his actions....

Apparently, Aiden's accident affected his brain and subsequently his other organs. To even make matters worse, we found out that he had a congenital condition as his skull wasn't fully developed. Slowly, he lost consciousness. Then, we knew that he would only be with us for a few days. It was painful not to be able to bid him goodbye. However, I felt at peace knowing that all our relatives back in Manila have showered their support and love as they all watched over him in his last few days.

Even the nurses and hospital staff were smitten by his charm. When he was still conscious, he told the nurses how pretty they were. ¡Mi primo es un adulador! He also told them to serve his favorite chocolate ice cream once he gets well. They would always drop by his room to clean him up and to make sure that he was comfortable.

Though the doctor told us that he was only given twenty four more hours to live, he lasted for a few more days. On his last night, it was my uncle's birthday. Supper was prepared and Aiden wasn't left out. They set aside some pancit and his favorite chocolate ice cream on his side. Though his heartbeat had been slowing down for the past few days, it suddenly throbbed faster. He wasn't leaving us until he got his wish.

On October 2, 2007, a few minutes past ten, Aiden died peacefully. It was the feast of angels.
Thank you for sharing yourself to us, Aiden. You will be sorely missed but it sure is good to know that we have one more angel above guarding over us. 'Til we meet again.

Think of your child; then, not as dead, but as living; not as a flower that has withered, but as one that is transplanted, and touched by a divine hand, is blooming in richer colors and sweeter shades than those on earth. - Richard Hooker

I wrote this entry as I was on the plane going to Canada. With all the hassle of moving and adapting to a new country, I was only able to finish and upload it now. By the way, please check out http://lettersfromcanada.blogspot.com very soon as I will be sharing my new life here in Canada.

Thousands of feet above the Pacific while writing this entry, I could not still believe that we will start life anew in another country. To me, it still feels like a vacation – getting to see different places, meeting new people, taking lots of photos – with that feeling of enthusiasm to go back home after the trip to share your variety of experiences to family and friends.

I guess we won’t be seeing Manila for a while. Basked in a sad grey as we left, our last day was a bit funny and strange. As we were about to leave, the floods were all over the streets of Makati. It was just good that the vehicles we used (yup, vehicles as we brought with us a lot of things which lead me to something I will share later) were high enough as the normal sedans parked along the streets had their wheels completely submerged in the murky waters.

While on our way to the airport, we were surprised to see a floating inflatable kiddie pool in the middle of the road. Then we saw three men inside raising their hands up with a bottle of beer in each hand – excitedly shouting as our car passed by and created a strong wave. This was just one of the few things that will make our last day quite strange.

As we arrived in the airport and our bags were weighed, they immediately told us that our baggage was way over the standard weight. We didn’t expect this to happen since while we were packing, we carefully checked that each bag was within the limit. The next thing we know, the guy in charge was giving hints to his real intention – asking for money. Desperate to end the discussion and move on with our flight, we gave in. Even in our last moments in Manila, we had to “feel” that we were still in Manila. Tsk tsk.

The next step was the immigration process where they check your passport. The funny thing was we were in a queue where the immigration officer was a woman in her menopausal stage with that wrinkled forehead and don’t-mess-up-with-me look in her face. The funny thing about it was just right in front of her and beside her pouting mouth was a sticker. It was a yellow smiley with the words SERVICE WITH A SMILE.

Finally, as we boarded the plane, I felt a strong relief that it was all over. I couldn’t help but laugh about what we’ve been through the entire day.

Probably, these things will only happen in Manila. They are not exactly great things or those that you look forward to each day. However, that makes Manila Manila and you just love it for its strange ways.

Well, I guess we won’t be seeing it for a while. Manila, I will definitely miss you!

A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face. It is one of the few havens remaining where a man's mind can get both provocation and privacy. ~Edward P. Morgan

"Yes or no? Nah," I told myself as I removed my books off the shelf one by one asking "Shall I leave this behind?" I had two piles - those that I will bring with me and those that I plan to leave behind to my younger cousins. After a dozen books, I knew that I was in for a problem. The pile "to bring" was way higher than the other pile...

Growing up with my strict grandparents, I was not usually allowed to go out and play with the neighbors. With nothing left to do, books became my refuge and my means of escape. Reading did not only nurture my knowledge but also quenched my thirst to explore beautiful cities, brought me to the glorious ancient times and allowed me to share thoughts with the best thinkers the world has ever known. Reading also allowed me to explore forbidden and dangerous realms - the mind of a genius-turned-madman, the dark alleys where thieves and prostitutes lurk...even the fiery pits of inferno. More than anything else, books brought out the "human" in me - it toyed with my temper, made we weep inconsolably, and gave me the courage to face another day...

I know every book of mine by its smell, and I have but to put my nose between the pages to be reminded of all sorts of things. ~George Robert Gissing

I started opening them one by one and it felt like the first time - the plastic wrap that was difficult to tear apart and the strange yet captivating smell of printed paper. Then, I would start reading and the first few lines will usually tell if it is going to be a good read...

Of course, most them had yellow pages already and that weird funky smell reminiscent of an old school library. The pages were quite brittle and almost fragile. They were like abandoned parents battered by age and hard work and longing for the love and care of their progeny. What an ungrateful child I am to leave them behind!

At that moment, I knew that I was bringing every single one of them along with me. For me, they all deserve a spot in my new shelf, wherever it may be.

Let your bookcases and your shelves be your gardens and your pleasure-grounds. Pluck the fruit that grows therein, gather the roses, the spices, and the myrrh. ~Judah Ibn Tibbon

With only a few days left before we leave the country for Canada, I have been fixing and sorting my stuff - clothes, documents, awards, letters, and books. Though I knew from the start that sorting and selecting from a pile of more than twenty year's worth of things will be a daunting task, I never thought how difficult it would be to part with a lot of my things. To hell with the baggage limit!

The first set of clothes I bought with my first paycheck, the souvenir program of my first school play, the book that never fails to make me cry, the palanca letter written by the person i hated the most back in high school, and a whole lot more - for me, they were more than "things." They were snippets and fragments of my so-called life.

The set of clothes was not just that. It was happiness as I first spent my hard earned money. The souvenir program was dedication to what you were really passionate about. The book was vulnerability and a reminder that we are human after all. The palanca letter was the beauty of humility and the peace of mind and heart with forgiveness.

Unfortunately, the baggage limit knows no sentimental value. In the end, a lot of them will be left behind. In spite of this, while these things remind me of what my life has been like for the past twenty two years, leaving them behind will not erase a single memory. These things are only pathfinders in the vast terrains of our hearts and minds. Even without them, we will still be able to find our way around - reliving cherished moments in our lives one snippet at a time.

The term diaspora (in Greek, διασπορά – "a scattering or sowing of seeds") refers to any people or ethnic population forced or induced to leave their traditional ethnic homelands; being dispersed throughout other parts of the world, and the ensuing developments in their dispersal and culture.

THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING CANADA.

These were the words that I immediately saw one November night when I got home from work. I couldn't have been wrong in reading this line. It was written in bold, all caps and was seen right away from our half-open door. After reading these words, I knew we will soon join the Filipino diaspora - where hundreds of Filipino families are leaving the country for greener pastures. It was a brochure from the Canadian embassy and together with it was our notice to take the medical exam - the only prerequisite left before we are issued our permanent resident visas.

There was a sudden surge of mixed emotions after I read the notice. I did not expect that we will still be getting word from the embassy after five years of waiting. Thus, I have already set my plans here and it seems that things are going quite well as planned.

For instance, I recently got promoted as a manager in my company, a reputable multinational firm, after only 7 months of training. I have also made a good number of friends in my new organization.

Moving to a new country, and a far more developed one at that, means having to start from scratch. It might also mean losing the opportunity to climb the corporate ladder faster as I might not be given the same "jump start" that I had here. With this in mind, I thought that it would be best for me to stay behind. Anyway, after getting my permanent resident card in Canada, I can immediately return and stay for 3 more years. The timing is just perfect as my 3 more years here in the Philippines will allow me to gather enough working experience to get a master's degree in a reputable Canadian university.

As expected, my family was not "buying" this plan of mine which made it more difficult for me to decide. At a point where I did not know which way to go, I asked for a sign. After this, sleepless nights followed. I couldn't put myself to rest as my mind was working nonstop - contemplating on the right thing to do.

The signs showed up as early as January the following year. My new job was more stressful than I expected it to be - hours of work way beyond the usual, a difficult boss and an unreasonable teammate. Moreso, I was starting to get bored with my job.

For a very passionate person like me, boredom is non-negotiable. In my perspective, the worst thing is engaging in a profession that one is not passionate about. It should not only be "ok" as this means that it could have been "better" or even "great" if only one had not been too "safe."

Faced with this problem, I took some time to reflect on what I really want. I was thinking of something that will make me wake up each morning with a smile in my face knowing that I will be doing something that I am crazy about?. Then, I remembered how I always enjoyed and excelled in leading school groups whenever we make presentations whether they be live or recorded. In fact, these presentations have often given my grades that much needed budge up the scale.

Since it looks like my thoughts were pointing towards a change of career, I knew that I had to take further studies to hone my craft. I could either take another bachelor's degree - this time in communication arts or get a special program that will give me hands-on training on the different forms of media. Of course, a big consideration in this endeavor is the availability of funds to finance my education.

As a permanent resident, I can take advantage of Canada's prestigious centers of learning through numerous scholarships and zero-interest loans given by the government. If I had stayed here in the Philippines, I would not have even considered studying again as an option given the financial constraints.

That was the only time that our move to Canada started to make sense. In fact, this change helped me in more ways than one. It opened a lot of questions and led me to the answers.

Diaspora is what they call the transfer of families to other countries for a better life. However, with what happened to me, it became a more meaningful word. To me, diaspora transcends countries, borders and nationalities. Diaspora is a turning point in one's life where he realizes what matters to him. Then he takes that different turn, no matter how difficult it may be to pursue his heart's desire.

At last, I will be posting another entry after more than a year of dormancy! This just shows that the past few months have been very busy - my last term in college, the board exams and my first taste of the corporate world.

Actually, it is not only blogging that I have neglected. My health became worse. I suddenly had the most painful stomachaches. The diagnosis - esophageal reflux disorder. Layman terms? Think of the borderline between heartburn and ulcer. Ouch! This meant sleepless nights, not to mention irritating as I could not resolve which position was most comfortable amidst the discomfort.

I also had the worst acne breakouts. Even during my puberty years or sleepless nights during my thesis or board exam review, I never had more than 2 or 3 big zits!!! It is quite ironic that now that I've started working for a beauty company called L'Oreal (and learned that washing is not enough - you need to cleanse, tone and moisturize/emulsify), my pimples started popping up one by one. The zits have been very resistant as well as they stood strong (and painfully red) even with all the sophisticated (...and expensive) skincare products I've been using.

I don't even have time for tea anymore (or for reading a book with it or moreso...reflecting). Only God knows the last time I did. The reason - it takes time to sip tea and I felt that I had simply no time to do so.

All these and a lot more - including time to spend for myself and with the people that matter in my life. The price to pay for succeeding - graduating with honors, passing the difficult board exams and getting an excellent appraisal and fast promotion at work.

Then, just a few days ago, I heard some tragic news about a batchmate. We were not particularly close but I guess we had our similarities - we were both ambitious. We were at our prime and fast approaching the apex of our professional careers. We were certified workaholics. Then, one tragic car accident ended everything.

Upon knowing this, I was shocked. I thought that it was truly a waste. He was young and clearly, a promising future was ahead of him. Then, I remembered myself. If I die later, could I say that my time here on earth was well spent?

After everything that happened, I decided to take a change in pace. Suddenly, I had the urgency to reconnect with friends and relatives. I took time to partake in relaxing activities (updating my blog included). More than anything else, my faith grew stronger.

While preparing and working hard for a better future is very important, I think it is also important to savor and experience the NOW. As they always say, it is not always about the destination for the journey also makes a worthwhile experience.

Now, I'm sipping tea again and reading a good book with it - For One More Day by Mich Albom. It is a book about lost time and how one man was given an opportunity to capture that lost moment and make the most out of what he used to take for granted. How appropriate!!! =)

Yup, I usually take my time to write just like I take my time in drinking my tea. I allow events to take place once more - at least on my mind - and take my time before I write the next few words just like in between sips of tea wherein I savor its simple taste and relaxing aroma before taking another sip or filling my tea cup with more.

Why do I love to write amidst my busy schedule just like I don't mind relaxing over tea on my desk where a pile of papers are waiting for me to work on? Perhaps, in writing I find solace that is hard to find in today's world. Everything seems to be too fast to a point that most things are taken for granted. Through writing, I am able to reconnect to my own true self. When I ponder on different thoughts, it seems that time suddenly slows down or is even put to a halt to give me that chance to see myself the way I easily see others.

Writing also gives me the opportunity to live a better life each day. When thoughts, from one's learnings to daily experiences to frailties uncovered, turn into written words, they seem to be ingrained in one's mind.

More than than anything else, writing allows me to capture a single moment of time. While events and experiences seem to be transient, they become permanent through written pieces whose words breathe out the same emotions and feelings felt at that point in time which allow one to relive that moment again.